party heels elevated platform for a better looking you in no time.

i listened to you and gave your kinda thing a try.
who am i always talking to? everyones asking. the answer: never.

last night i ended up on a long road trip to the country side. they said listen. and then i understood that living in rural life means living in closed peace. an open bag spilling everything--quietly. as i walked in the house and bare--footedly stepped out of the car. i felt nothing close. everything was distant and i recognized myself through a glass window. the perspective changed too quickly -- im someone who lives in the past. only noticing during lazy laid away thinking moments. who knew that a thursday night at nells could do this. could play pablos mgmt kids hit all to dance gyrate generate move. and it was packed i couldn't recognize this boring Wednesday venue. it was something better. ideas ideas ideas....

so mission high is something that feels really old but shit man, mission high and seeing all those kids just like me with their new pictures and new friends new life all moving forward. realllllllly great.

COLLATERAL evidence of ones lost room: obviously i am capable of creating a live-- in masterpiece. NO questions.

>

no shame in self vanity, it seems like. i know i know. apologies all around..

ive been in this office more than all day long. for no apparent reason-- just to be somewhere in doors for internet and usage on my laptop.. wanting to go out tonight with somebody but nobodies reciprocating to the text messages that i haven't sent. im thinking it will be one of those solo nights where im off to meet strangers or to stare at everybody as they are cross socializing almost having fun. from the japanese spanish traveler to japan man link alberto sent me i got inspired to start takking more pictures as to document my days showing my readers-- if any really exist ---something visual-- as it sits better in the brain. like a little story of all the nothings ive been doing. today i made two maps of two possible shit irish pubs i could maybe work in. today while eating early dinner consisting of tuna and corn at six while chewing i met a man who asked me to take a picture of him with his phone in front of the very grand plaza espana fountain.i did and then after he talked to me in spanish and maybe he has a friend i can baby sit for. with these kinda things you never know if the person is real or fake. usually i can tell through the thick line but when its fine it leaves nothing to decipher.

been missing too much open spaces lately, but one to remember is this night which got me sick with a sickness that will most likely last forever:




illness for things that make me feel good about myself. this includes places like picnic, cafe's with a great window opener, cats: a new friendly animal, cleaning the house, and company. maybe i cant make decisions perfectly but im good at knowing what i want. in the meantime. i know what i want and the letters it begins with and teh way it looks. the way it looks becuas e iv e been picturing for a long while. . . its big and bold and yelling GET OVER HERE. GET ON IT. GOG O GO. you know things with hurry and speed to move me faster. without it ill be in my shell all day evaporating like a smokless joint. or even worSE a smokeless cigarette that does nothing. i like it when i go out and here people saying "i dont want this anymore" it makes me think, hey me too. .. then suddenly i flash out of that thought and im still in the office. what am i thinking. i should get out of here. im just waiting for this great video to load. found what to do: meeting daniel and mia for drinks in their house and then maybe ill take them somewhere cool. have you heard of HOLYSHIT? if not look up the song rough and tumble on hypem, its so good for right now. esp if you are feeling tight and secure. it loosens you up in a good way. so you wont complain. .

iwish i didnt have to go to MEXICAN SEXY NIGHT at nells this Wednesday. jobs like this SUCK.

its getting reallly lonely here in madrid.




anyone anyone anyone..

stop making excuses

we are all bi polar it means we have energy use it wisely


YESSA
thats what arlo told me today

watch this if you want to cream

"this is what i call a no-where-thinking"

remember when we went to that fair in la latina and came back a couple times later and sat in that posh bar with the american girl who was too drunk to smoke a cigarette -ate it backwards and couldnt get hit on. usually when i have a thousand things to do i minimize it to one, focusing on memories such as the ones that speak through a silent luster of chill. always cold because my boxes havent been sent--> to the house that i dont have---> through the mom that i do have and still where the fuck can i live?

i can live anywhere but i want to live with you.
noticed a final thing about cooking the more you watch the more you grow the more you feel better about whta your eating while your creating and its a beautiful hobby ive got to learn spanish bettter. he tells me to learn spanish better and i agree. fully:


i have another post card ready for you:
you dont have to read this this is just for me:



you were talking about giving explanations to people

what people
generally
people who ask me questions
this includes starngers
to fmily
to friends
im being wholly general
just the questions u get
you know the normal questions
that run on top of eachother
like when you fall on your face
and get a black eye
and everyone’s like
what happened what happened
and you have to give the same old explanation 96 times
for nothing
but general curiosity
im not saying im a victim
im just the same
i would ask too
maybe not asking would be impolite
you know
its just something i think about


hey hey hey...

this is what i call a no-where-thinking

i have many of them each day

its normal
its annoyong to me
so much that i feel bi polar
it really makes me feel bi polar no kidding.
i mean one second i want to live in spain and i love it and the next i want to go home

me too...

and yes, as weird as it seems these questions
these question have a lot to do with it
because it gets me to the use less thinking and then i just dont know
and then you know im home all day dresed and ready
but i dont leave the house
because i dont know i just cant
go
i sit here for whiles upon whiles thinking about things that overall dont affect me

he steals magic carpet and flies off

one includes a tap dancing scene in the middle of a bowling ally and one includes entering a jail and leaving with the interviewers as helpful castaways. i lack generic confidence. instead of asking if you want to hear something i hear something by myself. the longer im home during the evenings the more i learn about cooking asparagus. and then i feel lucky to know an Italian sud- o chef bay to breaker. and how does this all tie in? the problem is that i missed the birthday party of my life titled: arlo and celina's eighties get away. SHIT. i would've paid to see baba dressed as Tina Turner-----> hid away at alberto's final get away/ party mania for the weekend filled with lazy boys television and a quiet night of alfredo's Texas style mafia burgers. If you say you fucking hate Spain you don't know shit. TRUST ME. the longer i'm here the more i realize what places not to be at. example: independece hosting an oasis album realase party. SHIT. who can stand to listen to that for twelve hours straight? who can afford to pay five euros for a heiniken. NOT ME. so i left after my favorites yanked me. round two. the bowling ally scene: describing it with one word : analogy. why? go to the dictionary and figure it out yourself. word reference me word reference me.

ok if i dont get out of this office. ill get nowhere.

seeing alberto for the last time before he goes to leave to rome for five months with no mercy taken. hell miss the hot chorizo his mother always makes him, ill miss his milk and honey.

if you want out then i want out too.

ive been recieving a lot of emails--- concerning emails. some good some bad some that feel like a train is runnning over my balls. but none the less, regardless of what youre saying, who ever you may be, and all of you, i think its enough to fill you up with a quick update of the wide eyed occurrences of my life:

living with zec and tati. they have a real nice flat. all the furniture was included in their building and theres this big garden with a wood shack which has a washer and the other day i learned how to use it rejuvenating my colors and darks. i ussually try to keep tidy and am not doing extremely horribly. i keep my folded clothes on an iron bored right next to the dining room table with the huge hovered lamp and i sometimes imagine it to be hungry. during october ill have to watch the cat. i use to be really allergic to it until i went to the pharmacy saying "tengo allegisias a los gatos. necessito una pildoras." check SP. i suck.

and now its ok. i worked in dubliners for one day. one day because i wa s getting paid three euros an hour waitressing my ass off from 7- 4am. i went to the owner asking for my rights and he let me go. that was my first practical ending. asides from that ive been sending and resending my cv to a million places. but nothing happens getting me up there in shit. out of every one hundredth person, when handing out flyers, atleast three will be interested. self motivation, so to speak. speaking of a new plan.

now that jason wants out in our plans for the future i am forced to be self assuring. sure, this is what i wanted but its like ordering the best thing on the menu, eating it, and realizing that you wanted something else.

last night me adn arriba went to see the new woody movie and after went to our favorite place. which could or couldnt be. maybe it isnt ii think its top five. we talked about the differences between now and then and carried on with a fight on repetition in language and how im not into anything but the chinese spaghetti sold always on gran via. the day before that was ochos wednesday annual party at nells. i always hate these things becuase the rap music bleeds into my ears reminding me of the times we would listen to fabolous and ashanti while dreaming in your bed. but a job is ajob and its m y duty to get foreigners in and to get forigners in and a cycle reminding me of recycling. earlier before that i went to a real madrid match. them winning 7-1 and sure i really didnt care about football. but this time i felt like i wa s back home in the giants stadium with arlo and jakob. the best thing about it was i was with this real overwhelmingly posh bunch who wore things you wouldnt believe and got seated in the vip section receiving free drinks tapas and a glass of champagne after the wining. i wore the wrist bracelet for two days having to show it off.

mom wants me to move to london, thinking that itll be stabler for me if i were to recieve guidence from her good friend joel. also she thinks hes perfect for me as he is developed around the creative fields i drive from. im thinking yes. i wouldn't mind another change. maybe like the movie its me who also doesnt know what she wants and instead its that i know what i dont. i know that i have to keep moving. the second i feel relaxed the second something goes wrong. im tired of thinking about today. its better to think about tomorrow.

im the king of bad jokes dont try to steal my throne," youre jealous i feel it"

dear arriba,

its been months that were nearly seconds next to the time of another's and never remembering one day. but i remember this--the times as a kid when you walked the earth in a raincoat and ballet shoes. smiling easy, as they snapped at you, shot , after, shot. dont forget one thing. when you see unknown scattered bruises on your golden shoulders dont look lost. some find it hard to see and others to eat. and others to think working best under persuasion. pure perspective dependence based on absolutely everything. being general means being open and thats why i like you dont think otherwise. not why i like you more why im like you.

supposing the quantity

which isnt anythin yet. clouds are a deep gray and i knew it was going to start hailing any second as i was walking home and felt spit run through my head.. one two five twelve hundred until i was soaked under a wetness so irresi s ti b le and as everyone was running to the closest tree. i stopped to get my feet wet. mmmm.

alberto told me this today:

"i ask very much, i look like a 45 year old single man waiting for her grandma to die and get the money...

i ask very much, i look like a 45 year old single man waiting for her grandma to die and get the money... "
living with zec and tati.
im so lucky.

if you made that up i love you if not forget it.

"ah... i just wasn't sure... there are some little frontiers built by different languages that i still have to... demolish"!

demolish my face into our new ideas of the walls open ceiling with grass and sand inside a fish bowl to be quiet yet noisy. its just like they say wasting time is wasting money.

"and i don't like saying "yeah yeah" when i really haven't understood

it's... peligroso

cause sooner or later, the other people will get ya

........................"

SHIT i cant take this smart ass,s answers, its enough to keep anyone awake.

somethings out of joint

AND because nothing's ever short enough everything's long enough to mean something. when all else fails i remember the blurry haze of sanfrancisco's brisk . it's squeezed apples in my mouth . someone calls this procrastination and i call it luck. or scream CHECK IT then look in the mirror. or do everything opposite for two hours and yell FINISHED when done. i celebrate with a burger.

ten million people tell me to wait. ten million people say nothing. when i get lost in a choice i just go. right now that's what i'm doing. last night we went to cafe paris and danced in a puddle of someone's spilled drink. when walls are painted red the lights are dim and killing a fly is almost impossible .

eating two things in one second

i havent been lazy i've been busy. feeling really good. today i met with danny who i met through lucas. danny runs ramses, which is a bad ass place to eat but only if you're lenny kravitz and filled with money. if that doesn't work then there's always plan b.

madrid is surely a wonder land
in winter it eats people
while they're
walking
so.. no one goes outside
i don't know for sure but this is what
i hear.
right now it looks like this
very beautiful?


i fell a sleep right on the grass next to someone with a beard eating
fruit with a pocket knife reminding me of
bradford
though, only for a second.
mmmmmmm
i woke up like harry potter and my nanny's name was anna.
walking down those stairs made me realize
two things:
a. construction and scaffolding two of jason's favorites. he describes it as progress.
b. mama in manila

so, in conclusion i've learned everything i need to know on a tuesday. luckily, today's not over it's only seven o clock.

caca post those flickr pictures.

yesterday before bed or the night before that as i was almost to the first second of sleep i was thinking about writing something that went a little like this. tell no and then i was no concentrate no and no .. it was thoughts followed by a complete repetition of the word no. i cant get it back fully but at the time i felt represented. im hungry.. with no food. and i read something today that made me hate burger king and even chicken nuggets. "and no matter how much someone smokes, it will never be enough. "

i you're ever out in the dark of the night and see this guy wandering around coming closer. t ru st me when i say walk the opposite way.

not knowing anything or everything at the same time

eating everything means eating a hot dog and pork chops. sometimes i say porch chops, usually i say that when referring to food. i am humbly aware of the difference. when you fall out of it it's better than falling into it. i don't mean that. falling in love is a fast thing that can be compared to speed or some say coke. for me i wouldn't know. neither. when you want me to meet you at the park i'll be there twenty minutes early. it's enough time to prepare a perfect position. to think of the look on my face. the one you will quickly see. to catch a first glance is just the same as catching a baseball in the catcher section without a mask or glove or hands and just feet.

"todays the begininnig of the rest of my life" i woke up read that and knocked down everything from my walls. and cleared all my documents. erased my old screen saver. ate a few different things. and listened for once..

chirstmas is coming.
here is this to get you in the modd for everything above:

what's eating you?

i couldnt stop laughing when i read this

HONEST TEA FEUD OF MY LIFE

jasbyr caca face just told me about coca cola buying out honest tea and even though im all the way here i still shat myself with awful amazement. typically my instincts shouted traitor traitor! but now that i am one article older i am clapping my hands with comic relief. (not so comical)

READ FEBRUARY 25TH, IF YOU DONT YOU ARE NOTHING

HONEST TEA LINK HERE

i am the speaker and robert frost is the poet

i spent my entire last year forcing UN identifiable negative thoughts down my dry throat . first i felt that she knew nothing about the word data or and. anything that wasn't globally justifying didn't matter. in a way this threatened me. she would say things like this isn't a nationwide youth trend this is a root in time. i would be sitting there thinking sleep. anyone who doesn't believe in free rice dot com doesn't believe in me. and ever since then i noticed myself failing miserably. last night i felt different. as i was sitting between the conversation of four Italian speakers i saw myself reflecting on a poem titled "be me or be yourself" i never heard of it before, but made it up to fill my mood, with good thoughts, on the positive effects of language barriers.

november eighth 2 thousand seven,
yesterday as he was taking a crap, i hoped on his computer entered his inbox and read what the popular cultures been warning me about.

best thanks to zek

i miss my caca

it's true.

DEAD END

add me as a contact and you'll have me for life.

i am a little disappointed. i cant find an english dengue fever song and i want to remember that time in the car in LA. people can see someone and think scumbag. people can see me and think victory. these are the motivational words i tell myself while washing the dishes. usually i like it dark as it creates a very distinct atmosphere-- one in which i imagine myself in the woods. there's a lot of things that i've promised to do though haven't done yet. a motivational banner saying "go! go! go!" flyers with t he correct pronunciation of my last name -URRRRR-Y-AARRR- T E. it's not easy to say things so hard. anything with a B usually makes me sound super sanFranciscan. super supper.

look what i found its been a lucky week

announcing the publication to the introduction of myself

interests:skipping songs like skipping rocks and then ironing all my clothes and then washing everything. hanging far from all complaints on spilling. i like talking to anyone who can reciprocate with the same speed. or tries and sounds good anyways. usually though, i wont care depending on the variety infront of me. contemplating on all grammar rules-- one's to follow ones to break,, or never knowing.. in my head lately ive been talking in spanish. out loud english . if it's something i like it's something i can't get enough of. usually otherwise it's easy. sometimes you cant tell. no backspace means no error. just like side effects e x plo din g in all directions. sticky fingers all over my keyboard . not good at it but will be good at it. "it" is known always. im into drastically reduced things that start with letters K-A. anything not in, wont fit.

dont lie to a liar

for a while i was watching donnie darko, until it got real late and i was close to the end where that guy died and the girl died and i couldn't take it. i started watching the office and then this video on procrastination. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXziurFkQxM
it's fine if you dont like it, but i do. it's been very hot and lately i've been very hungover and on a streak of too much fun. fun comes in giant dosages and is followed by a slow period of eating cereal by the electric fan, and keeping cool with iced water, or just settling for plain .

eat your ass

Now feels like a month in a space ship with miko’s galaxy music laying on my radios half dead speaker. I haven’t been holding up due to my missing p. it takes forever to cope with missing things. And every time I look at my keyboard I remember it and end up feeling worse. Today I went in a moot direction and he told me that I have to play a game called choice a or b. right now I’m heading more towards a but b’s are always better. I haven’t decided but still I know.
“I’ve never found clowns amusing”
"you’re a clown”
"sometimes
maybe mroe often than not"
"yeah thats what i like about you'"
"i like everything you represent"
"i like everything you feed me"

IF YOURE GOING TO READ ANYTHING READ THIS

today i was under the influence. the influence in believing that i was a good multitasker with the utmost skill at picking and choosing how many things i would like to do at the same time. i am so stupid. those of you who know me know my deep admiration for letters particularly the letter "p"
today i was chatting on line with matt and he said something funny and i'm not blaming him as much as i should but i laughed and i had a yogurt in my hand and it mustve been really funny cause i jerked my arm towards my keyboard and splash went everything all over. so now my "p" doesnt work nor my backspace shift tab number outlet etc. i have to copy and paste the"p" when needed which is an exercise. .

SUCK MY COCK

hey jason its your birthday shake your bootie

i am totally dying.
can you believe it, the chocolate in my special k chocolate edition is now melted. like a malt ball of recycled ice cream whispering loudly yearning for love as it is drif t i n g a w a y.

oh no dont leave, if you leave i'll be alone and i would hate that. i dont get along with fear i'm a very logical guy.

i want to dedicate this to someone special.

"to be loved, certainly, is different from being admired, as one can be admired from afar but to really love someone it is essential to be in the same room with the person, crouching behind the drapes." woody

i realized that when i left and moved left and then realized it was dumb so moved over. the thing you want to remember, my dear, is that life has it's appropriate rewards. there's always someone out there who will remember enough to be a witness, so make sure you count what you do, and do it calmly as not to forget. m ward me and i will reward you with the best dance i'll ever give.

happy birthday to the biggest caca i know!

a response to your complaints

ok ok
finally (well not finally because i always had a hunch hint hat in the back of my head) last night i realized exactly what you were talking about.
the difference between going to a shitty pop feast and going to a good hole in the wall.
a wreckage in the back street an open space for people to be cool and away from the natural abundance of the cities bustle. it was the greatest thing to ever see. sitting on the ground with some new faces and listening to the music they played with their scratchy voices and humming chords.. i like simple i've always known but now i decided.

celebrating

video streaming.

today after my dad came back from his romantic getaway with cristina he came inside my room and something i love about the way he comes inside my room is he always knocks to make sure the coast is clear and it's very respectable just like this country. i think he felt a little bad. because i looked like a rotting fly or like a dead razor blade fighting for its life with the remaining edges of its dull sword. so he asks me if i want a cold coke. and i hate this because he's such a coke head, and when we go to restaurants or those tiny tapa bars its always just coke coke coke and all i want is water or some fresh apple juice but nothing like that is around fast enough, so its just coke, which i like, but it makes me feel guilty. so i say no. and he asks me what im doing and i get all deadly excited, deadly cause I'm sick, but if i wasn't it would be plain excitement. i tell him about how i've been watching the office and weeds on my computer and he crakcs a joke. and i ignore it and continue talking about how cool it all is. yesterday i told him to rejuvenate my wallet with money, he laughed then ignored me.

to be read while listeing to die romantiks "narcissit's waltz"

is it the dreaming that makes people nauseous? or maybe its the broad space or lack of. i don't know.

ok sounds fine in reference to a point taken. reading all night reading all day reading reading reading. and i cant get a job but i found someone willing to pay big money for my aupair services. he said i'd get the master bedroom and instantly my dad shooed the psycho away.

yelling there's trouble up front. yelling YELLING yellow.

oh how i miss something that isnt here. its a juicy mango. it's zesty pad thai with the kick of life. with the knack of spice. with people standing in line to get a taste of........ freedom. humor. humongous. tongues. waiting.

and me? i am one too. i am one to wait a while for something worth being cheeky.

what do you want today? everything i want is in sanfrancisco's belly.
it's too late? not when your the squid and the whale.

oh america, how i miss you.

candid honorable mention

today part two: a secret attack. for the one i love. titled jason bwjhsdidjaja. i want to emphasize that every ambiguous post is bolded with your name.

i dont like making sloppy faces or showing everyone one thing in a clear way. instead its like a maze of self implication and walking down the street while starring at everyone's shoes. and then finding the one that matches yours perfectly.

today i remembered that time when we went to get tacos. it was the first time ever, just as today was the first time ive ever had chinese food in spain for 25 euros for two people with four cokes in a bottle for 7.80.

it's a very sexy dress for a very sexy party animal

the cringing sight of fashion. street fashion as a whole shitty field for smelly shit. it's the ugliest thing i know about. yes, i'm eating a lot today, i do it to feel better about fashion.

someone once told me this:" i like my fashion crass and ostentatious like leisure suit larry" i wasn't sure what to think of it.

the second i stray makes the second we're over. humor imposes itself on me. that thought really eats my ass, so lately i've been nameless. or a carla with a K. to cover the C though still it is persisting, like showers in the morning, like you.

I DONT GIVE A FUCK, I MISS THIS!!!!!!

pop pops through your megaphone
Cargado por RCAspaceship

GUESS WHO

yes thats me, dead center, number one bad ass pitcher.

forcing similarites between you and fast food

what i'm trying to say is it's not bad to be careful. when you move slower you flicker. someone told me why thunder comes faster than lightning. sound travels faster than light.if that is indeed true than i would be thunder, i'd like to roar. the last night in barcelona was spent running in the rain with my hands up wrapped around me. the best part was eloping to the nearest mc donalds and eating a "con" with englands famous cholcolate shavings around it. i like how fries are called chips and everything comes in cheap sizes.

i have a very good feeling about it.

last night when i came home i spent tons time talking. it reminded me of how gradual change still includes sameness and gradual means over time, luckily for me time stops moving. im a practiced time travler setting foot in a place near by.

coloring barcelonas head with face paint

its extra hot when you wear the same thing everyday and it gets a little wet from the beach but adds a nice grimmy edge. if everything is spelled wrong still follow.
going to parc guell today while passing throughlas ramblas and getting a juice for fun to feel fresh like ice melting. most of everyone left to see turkey and london and helsinki plus other places no one would ever think the name of. hstels are great for just this, the moving people with bright eyed fancy faces, wanting all these drinks and fun. here, a good time comes easily. just blink and yóu´ll notice the large blocks of color around you.

if you´re a world traveler i commend you ten times over, becuas ehtis toughness is the tough you only find in a dark ally way passed twelve. talk aboput being balls on.

where do they go?

i feel less than boring and it's worse than my winning team loosing the super bowl. whenever i cry i feel like apple juice. after this familiarity i watch family guy on my dad's i touch. what are you doing right now, im always thinking this. today i went on a hunt around 9pm to find the gay parade with hopes to feel a little bit of home. i thought i found it but couldn't find it. i sat on a bench and waited for someone familiar to approach me and got up when i realized that nothing would happen. when i walk and catch someones eyes i can never tell the flavor. i went to vips and read some magazine and looked at compressed photos of america from the 20's. now im drinking yogurt with milk and for dinner i had both servings of rice pudding, good but never as good as tartines bread pudding.

me and pops on a good day:

YO, WHATS UP WITH THIS

a jet lags

here's a better picture

Just learned a few new phrases and different things that correlate together. The thing with over here is with out legs life would be impossible like dragging yourself across the city with your arms. I saw that movie with Natalie Portman and the antagonist from no country for old men it was about the painter goya. Last night I had a horrible dream relating around history and there were guns shooting paintings. I woke up at two and pretended to sleep till four until I could not take it. Today I walked an hour through my neighborhood to reach the street filled with tons of people drinking. My first and last drink was a margarita from hard rock café. Dad said here, happy birthday. I took the metro all alone heading to the reina sofia museum.
I only liked the paintings by miro because it reminded me of b1 and our reincarnation of one of his colorful shits. I was too sleepy to look around so I sat on a bench in a garden and thought about how my six euros went to waste. Next time I go I’ll need a partner like jeffrey’s dad juan carlos. Since he’s a painter he knows everything—you have to have experience to talk I’ve noticed. Usually when I say something half of it is wrong. I had coca cola in a bottle and it was so sweet it reminded me of mexico and jason’s fridge, and ken buying it at el farolito. I miss el farolito by arlo’s law firm on 24th and mission. He sent me a message titled hola Espanola. I replied saying bien bien, how’s life.

its four thirty am. since the fridge isn't cool enough the water feels warm and the sun hits twenty four seven. yesterday in the airport these pictures were taken:

sometimes when you're in something you feel yourself not in it. spain is weird to me. like the people walking by with their big eyes and nice hair and lisps. and the ariport. and the calamari sandwiches. and the flute men chasing after you for spare change. the thing that is harming is not being around everyone i know.

outside my window:

ghey babehs!
you are the lovers of mmy babies.
hello tought dude going to college
and also maybe i know what i gots do its likke i dont care its weir man

kats here kats here!!!!!!!!!!!

her and a new pair of socks. and edwin.

EVERYTHINGS HAPPENING!

if you just got out of the shower we have something in common. if you're looking for me i'm nearly gone. where am i? Benihanas.

just in case was my password for a while until i changed it to kitschen calc Q lus and apple

i decided to make everything public minutes after telling everyone that i got out of the shower.

i'm excited.

nothing really right now

just came back from delfina and it was the weirdest thing ever to touch my face. today was almost horrible but the beginning was so perfect that its perfection was a disease reminding me of a UTI. buffalo exchange on haight is filled with.. well.. its filled with a long line of sellers. me and miko sat there today and in exchange for his time and for his birthday i gave him an ipod. later on after 74 brand new dollars we headed on the six to meet matt to wish him off to wish me off for him new york and for me nowhere. it's been a long 2 hours and 36 minutes. before this time we ran up and down elevators and saw this view.

it reminds me of all the things a place can offer and all the self proclaimed landmarks that are made to absorb peoples feelings and blinks. each time i blink before the time my lids touch and the time my lids miss i remember everything i just saw and move it to enter inside me. when i am sad i usually just stare at the person I'm sad with and pretend I'm playing the game of blink, if that game fails then i play the game which rules revolve around the idea of not being the one to laugh first. when it comes to tantrums even though I'm a year older i still feel the same.
some say my problem is opening up and others say the same thing.

i want to be seventeen

i only have nine minutes left and then thats it. ive been camping so it's not my fault. i got a lot of things around my room all messy. ive got a lot of things.

when i get sick, ill be sick. sometimes its nicer to be. but not when you have company over and not enough time to make a quick meal and not enough time to go somewhere where y ou haven't been because your sick and lazy.


i want to be married but marriage wont take me.

when things aren't your case you should file a law suit. when it's not your problem it's not your fault.

square one is a square bigger than the universe.



40 minutes earlier i got a call from ken which was very nice. the Filipino time zone plays on a field opposite of mine. this is the same for other countries on the other side of the ocean laying to my right. the next person to call me made me upset.

welcome to westcovina!

letter of encouragment round two:

Subject:

so

Body:
The other day something unrelated made me think of you, which happens. So I remembered that you had a blog thing, and I remembered the address to it, and I made my way there.

Now I dont know if you know this, but I've set my sites on becoming a writer or something along those lines, so I read things much too much. When I read those things, usually my favorites that are really great, I have a habit of spending the next few minutes after that narrating the things I do in my head, and formulating all my thoughts as if I was going to put them down on something, like a paper or computer. It's a nice little side effect.

After reading a couple of entries on your blog thing, I found myself doing just that.

So I guess the point of all this, is to just say thank you for putting them on something, and then out on the internet for me to see.

small words of encouragement

death can cause many things. little irony is found after and inside of nothing. laugh out louds can be considered selfish even when you want to dance after a while it becomes old. the older you get the closer you are and you can up the process by doing nasty things. some would call it nasty and others fun. it's up to you to decided.

living is like moving over in bed also this is seen as tossing and turning. if your parents are afraid to let you go then your parents come in a pair. it is likely that you will notice.

some people win a lot of things. money like scholarships or they cheat into steeling liza minelys bank account. most money comes from somewhere and we just don't know it. this is why we are connected and remain so keen on connecting.

if there is some one you like the chances they feel the same is partially open. you would be lucky if they felt the same. they will come your way and you wont even know it. luck doesn't come in dosages and instead comes from birth.

my end note is one simple rule.
rule 9

it's lighter than you think. so don't hire moving men.

i dont think i get sad. what i get is itchy.

today I'm graduating. those of you who are unfamiliar with me probably are most surprised. today I'm graduating and i don't even care.

sometimes i want to smoke because i know its best to help this. i want to eat spoiled eggs and gagg and get racy with someone who is bad.

if you force yourself into feeling good then you force your self into doing something. if you eat really fast you'll forget about how much you are eating. this happens with drinks and things related. i don't know anything about myself in the night or the morning, i feel most comfort arise in mid day. the worst thing is when i sit in the park i feel extra dumb. i would rather sit in bed. my bed is broken. the middle has no support and its like a hole. you'll see the diagram. every time i wake up off it i say to myself "20 more days and NO MORE OF THIS!" i like my blanket, it use to make me sneeze till i couldn't take it. i got rid of it and missed it and forced myself into loving it all over again.

I'm always the same with everything i do. you can compare me to a couch; some say I'm really comfortable.

dear yogi

it is funner when you don't know anybody and find someone at a close call of almost being alone. when i am next to you i dream about witches eating us or scratching my leg and telling me to be afraid of anyone outside Parisian decent.

minutes pass
i am getting quiet after repeating the word arrriba with a terrible side of rolling errres. its weird when i don't say a word, and its even weirder when you get stopped on the street. famously assaulted like a man who dresses too hot for the weather. always, i am mad when you take all the attention. always i am mad.

i am mad when you don't write me letters. if you don't write me when you're gone i will feel replaced. whenever i am replaced i feel tender. like a tenderloin grilling by some smashed potatos. transfer me to a letter and i will be the letter P.

i hate the belly aches you give me. stop feeding me chips and steakhouse almonds. give me mango. give me mango all the time. i love mangos in the same way that i love you.

lately my legs have been growing. they grow when i am sleeping and listening to things that make me move like an arrow. i am so long. you'll have to travel my distance. from boston to sanfrancisco to L.A. to spain and back to america.

see me for directions.

love

caca

last time was funner than this time

the problem with this kind of thing is the free. i don't mind so much being hammered by a man but i do as hell mind being hammered by a boy. a half man. an in between-- a still sucking sucker. and that's why i was so taken a back as i was walking up the stairs of my house. little did i know that old d. loufas would be sitting on my sidelines sipping a cola laughing it up with that oh so welcoming fam of mine. it's ok, i concur. i pray to god. i will blink my eyes just once.
i will open my eyes after 7 seconds and remember what it's like. i'll like it and feel it and hold it for a good amount of time. it's expired and it's rotten so i threw it out and went to daly city to watch sex and the city with a man who is not gay. his initials are J.W and his receding hair line co exists. jk. there was this girl that i was spying on when i left the bathroom i heard her say one thing and i almost puked. the movie displayed women negatively, as in they only think about two things shopping and sex. what a fucking floozy.sometimes i feel bad for all girls who don't have anna karina's brain.

eat him alive and love it

hello my friends, I'm with three people right now and their names are Matt miko jason Carla manila west and we're called the land of opportunity for nothing. it's totally legit that it is so fucked up. SHOUT OUT TO BIG p YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS. dream bigger than a plant that is bigger than NYU and snobby jason's apartment equipped with pirates bootie. and pirate jokes that i used to share with someone who is no one that i no longer know. you cant just do homework and expect a big win, the new schhools pretty good, and were looking for a free school. miami university in ohio-- it is fucking good. no one even knows it.

EVERYONE'S STUPID

someone had the best night of their little life last night. someone feels real sick. someones about to watch away with words, and miko now is 20. my old man J is no longer my old man J. dorothy's the real deal, shes following along to spain. we like to spoil each other. and spend all our money and eat at big boys for breakfast. my guts gone, according to arlo. we visited him around 11 this morning to seek some water and friendly advice. since he had no cash he was out of service. MY BELLY WANTS CHINESE FOOD.

why hello hello hello

hottie of the year- praxis uriarte!

im real good at air hockey. but asides from that im even better at taking pictures.



h

todays special is HOT-- jump on in!

i have to take an ap test, im still a little drunk, like an asian an asian an asian.

this morning i spent half an hour damping my face with lavender aroma therapy. boy it feels good to pamper myself in front of the mirror,it's like eating twizzlers on the bus or steeling from a large man with a high tolerance to ignore me. if it was it would've been so good.

tonight will be the biggest night of my life. i have a brown dress and red shoes and my hair will exceed phenomenal value. tomorrow im going camping with the rocks. come with me, i've been wanting to have this kind of fun with you.

i've been waiting for the 23rd all may. also the 4th but the fourth is over and now praxis is 19. yesterday or 6 hours ago i took her around and got her cool stuff. you cant even imagine- c o o l. i want to be cool with everyone like a catch a fish. or that girl in the picture next to the red balloon. but she sucks, she's lonely. no lonely for me. i like my man to keep me sheltered, i like it when he buys me hats and tooth paste.

good morning beautiful babies!!

this sucks. portfolios are due in ten seconds and my head is missing. im eating corn pops and like pop rocks i have bombs in my mouth. i save the left over milk for my morning dosage of vitamin c pills and all akin.

you know what is boring? oil pastels. smudged on top of something you once found nice. temperature.means temper, means dont push it "i dont like my buttons being pushed." i have a big book in front of me. i have a little book in front of me. which should i touch first? the answer is in the kite runner. watch watch watch it!

eat me alive. i use to wonder what a hot dog was made out of. and now i don't.

h
o
t

"when people are boring just spice things up"

in short i would have to never open another book and become really stupid. you know me better than anyone else. your name is kat.

my lead just captured you into a vortex. wheedle coax CAJOLE. I'm tugging on your sleeve and kissing your feet and pulling you fairly forward.

trampled on by another heat wave.

just finished watching the kite runner. maybe what i need is prayer. or something else, something that is far away, things that i don't see and have now. like a big yellow big large yellow the color yellow splashing all over me like I'm heating up in a microwave like I'm ready to be. yellow. my dad use to always do this thing, when he called me on the phone and he'd be far away. i had to imagine yellow when my eyes closed as i was almost laying asleep. before bed i would pray some hail marys and are fathers and another two which i don't know the names of. and sometimes i would ask god for good dreams. i would collide my prayers with the color yellow. and now when it goes on, I'm just scared. it probably is normal, its probably a sign of myself realizing the value in containing an empty tupper ware of air. and putting it in the fridge. and eating it tomorrow for dinner. when i think about my move to spain my leg cramps. or sometimes i feel really giddy like I'm ridding on a saddled horse minus the allergies. i can cry for everyone I'm leaving. not because they'll do the same or feel the emptiness in space, but because it underlines this awareness of time. the moving of the motion. its selfish, I'm selfish.

puzzle night beach head hard candy rock and roll.

all hyped up to sober up. today I'm not at school. last night i threw up everywhere and this morning circling around 5 i threw up again. I'm a notch away from decomposition. he said " if you cant describe something in words, our own people can't understand each other" if you can make an honest connection between someones shoes and the length of their stride you'll be able to realize the emptiness between life and mystery. fhewww that is incredible. i increasingly find myself repeating the word America when referring to everyone around me. i should be a coach or athletic director sport fitness for the olympics. i do like the colors red white and blue. and i do like the states floating below it. and i no longer like othello and i no longer watch the Flintstones or collect stones, but i remember playing barbie. that's why i was so taken ah back when i saw a barbie van on chestnut-- a life sized pink barbie van license plate titled: kenzie. i creamed my pants.

too much of everything can kill you like jack in the beanstock running from the big bad wolf.run from me and ill give you your moneys worth.

the greatest thing about having too much of something is openly highlighting the extra flavor with precision and color. it wins the game. you can see the temper growing with the greed and all its obscure crannies and the accessories that rise while bouncing alone. WELCOME WELCOME MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE

potato head

im feeling generous

today we were suppose to play tennis and we could've but we didn't because i coudln't take it and it was everything you had to offer. i went to the gym and smoked some aces. phones on repeat a negative silent respirator. how boring. I'm so sorry. so sorry i couldn't take it. take on me. like a bizarre love triangle with everyone in your family. i read a couple emails, one stating this:

-fighting with you is merely necessary condition of our wild relationship.
and of course, it's only because i love you very very very very very much.
but, aquarabbit is slowly catching up.....despite being so Aqueous.
-sometimes people just want to have everything.
just remember I AM ENOUGH!
-you've got a cold cold heart.

after reading that i cried. i cried because i wished it was november 25. when i wasn't so close to leaving. I'm hoping for another 40 days but its looking more like a 30. solid.
if i hear one more word. one more peep stitching up something about anything unrelated. i swear. i swear that i don't know what I'll do.

maybe charge that phone. get ah going.

inflation bites: tough times ahead

Celery remains to be stationed as one of the twelve most contaminated fruits and vegetables on the market. Fresh organic celery is sold in whole foods for the price of 4.99. and I had a harrowing experience yesterday. It was my boyfriends fault. Do you know why because he didn’t do his regular extensive research. The question which should’ve been “did you get your card back babe?” in my defense, because of this, I lost five hundred negative dollars, and now I have no celery to chew.

“They are at such a level you expect the best from them, and if you don’t live up to it, people notice,” said Todd Hale, a senior vice president of consumer and shopper insights for Nielsen, the market research company. “Being first gives you a competitive advantage. But it also means somebody is going to follow you and catch up with you.”

its a good morning for a good day

a refl

to rephrase my letter of anger. jason did not get mad at me for answering my phone, and instead yelled at me for saying what what what in a repetitive motion.also he is the love of my life. even though we fight every second. today i broke up with him, and then realized it was dumb. again and again and again. also if your sending him post cards, stop telling him to go to spain to see you, if he decides to go to spain it will only be for me, got it gen???


love
carla

this wont make you feel good.

take a walk on the wild side

i use to love candy like the way i love men. now in the way i love a man. now in the way i hate hokus pokus and all that's related with clowns and boys.

these sturdy Tuesdays really kill me. with time to spare, i sleep away. i jump in the shower and roam around floor less. powerful. home alone.
there's nothing to look forward to.
on a day like this all i have is television.

i've got the itches.
there's a leak.

you you you

ok america, get ready for another friendly dosage of the latest me.
it'll be better this time because i have much to say.

today i ate a chicago deep dish pizza. little did i know. the sauce sits relaxing right on the cheese, as the cheese is right on the sauce. its layers contagiously erupting. shhh it's a secret.
talk about seep dish. talk about heaven.

i can almost eat cereal, but I'm too afraid to go up stairs.
tony's aunt is in.
and i lack the knack for conversation.

the big P is coming up soon. i'm getting really excited. I'm not crazy, I'm keeping it casual. like hot dress socks with colored stripes. like the man i saw today. he got on at castro and looked 49. sitting. showing socks. paired with shoes. and a royal blue neck tie. i couldn't stop looking. i could've turned gay.

refreshingly filliing the old world's bustle

what is it what is it.
the barrier of undeniable truths. my paper is in "finito"
this is my first ex hale. already I've attempted to rekindle my lost romance with my slamming "geee-- tar" following its chords, already i feel slamming.
ma found a Heineken in the fridge, as is, it was funny when she said we don't drink that here. i dont know who it was, but if it was you, you're in big trouble.
them and the rest of the clan are back from the wild, formaly known as Yosemite. I'm sure they too were slamming, as i would, if i were having a blasting time. sooon though, i too will find freedom. at last, as atleast.it comes with enough delight to motivate one to speak.
the funnest part was dans paris. it was on repeat, entirely, 3 days straight.

already,
i miss everyone around me.

IM TIRED.
LOVE ME.

i almost forgot.

IM NEVER SURPRISED ANYMORE.

if you're into suppression. obsession. depression.
if you're a controlling converting piss.
positively
i want you out
OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!!!!

you need to know, the answer is yes.

i spent my entire life of april 18 and 19 and 2008 with miko and matt and all it cost me was my life. they are unruffled. providing that camp effect.

i love them for good.


i feel stupid half the time, out of it. in it. over it. bouncing flat in it. or like a big sentiment, or sentence, settling. together with it, i'm bored.

it was nice in the morning when i wasn't pressured to find out an outfit and my vacation looked like hawaii. this was great because the film was rolling as i was yelling and suddenly again, i felt ok.

i'm not prepared. but, still i want to live in you, at the hop.


fetching a freckle, face, maze, corn, and forever hold my peace.
monday morning i have to remember: meet d. tom, for extra help. when it comes to NaCl3, im the master.

NO NO NO NO!!!

it is not so great when I'm not dropped off to the masonic and haight when i have to scramble around fishing change to go in a hurry. i am absolutely beyond any control sick of the bare walls the coughed crazies elevator nastiness. forest hill station i hate you. i can almost die.


hurry up.
back home.

my ideas on females: males: babies: mating: hello goodbye obvious interaction concludes in a small research paper titled:

"Looks and everything into the world of love and attraction."
I've been trying to write it for the past couple ah decades and today lessened learned i figured that with in ones wings the flight is never given. i made this up myself and now I'm motivated to do good. i must graduate i must i must. no more rubios, no more picture taking, or blog rolls, or breathing quietly under the arms of a llama. none of that. nothing for me, as my fate is to pile myself under the screen of my teleporting lap top under the eyes of my web cams holy lens. I'm sorry potato, there's no more time for you. not now, not ever. well forever, there's later.

later is funner. attention wil be fully yours. poeple are organically grown to self implication. the obvious being a committing promise of forever dangling freely like a babies rattle. we'll maneuver our way forward until we cant take it, until the unbearable juice of forever is flooding and we cant help but to look separate ways. its a scramble for fear. an empty promise of burnt bacon, of drinking spoiled milk to wash down the overdue eggs that roasted in the velvet cupcakes. its a horrible disease, but we cant fight nature.
so don't fight it, as later will always come.

I'm talent and no one even knows it. hurry up and realize already! i am the best.
people also confuse me for other people, they call me different names. sort of, i like it. when people mistaken me for my hero, i almost melt. ken just added me on face book, already i feel accepted. you've got to know it, and if you don't it hurts.

all fun all the time:

"you got a really nice mindset i like your style."

i dont want to go. anywhere ever. im finshing up this:__c3oh+___ox2 -->__co2__h2o
jesus. i cant balance anything. time or words and all that comes between people and plans and places to go and leaving to come back to stay or to be boring.

i dont care, i hate you.

this time i didn't go to school again, and you would think it'd be easier, since id have to be there at 12. i promised myself not to leave until my clothes were dry and heated and then i could leave after i nuzzled my face into them and put everything on.
i stayed awake and folded everything eating a sandwich with jalapeno yogurt cheese honey ham papaya mango salsa on wheat, apple granola with berry yogurts, two servings of peach salsa and chips.

Ive made a pretty big fool of myself , more than a few times. more than one finger can count, so far you can jump to your toes and look out at the stars and it'll make plenty.
I'm progress. is it that I'm trying to figure it out and cope and blame anyone else, or its that i cant think at all. i just feel this awkwardness in myself from being here.

im totally boring

here

and me

6 minutes, ready go!
i just put some lasagna in my hello kitty Tupperware and went through all my shoe boxes and found my bambu spork.
when i think of lasagna i think of the time i brought a box over and we ate it while watching the office but honestly it was old and nasty. ill be eating it while on the j while on my way to school to deliver my freakonomics book report. i have to hurry.

you've gotta watch out for that slouch

so sorry ive been forgetting about you. the morning wasted and tons to drink. this is not my story. last night i ate burger king. and never again..

hurry up and get in gear mode. and be ready to spit.
i am very young. in a couple a months ill be older, and it will be by a year. all of a sudden, everyone all at once will want to be friends with me. i'm all for the lesbian gossip magazines, there was a portable display of bagged pussies. so boring always it sounds. but which one are you?


i like sitting in the hot tub thinking about everyone who could've peed or how everyone jumps in naked and im just wallowing in their sweaty whats. this is what happend yesterday. praxis got a new bed too, i'm only jealous. i'm only jealous as i fall asleep on the carpet while shhes devoured by fluffy goodness of past time feathers while m sneezing and feeling awake.

if its not a healthy relationship, cut the chain.

this morning i woke up pretty early. while washing the residue mascara from the bottom of my eye bags i became one to realize that ive short handily missed my little one on one chat with tony, twice.
im happy about what im wearing. i feel very compatible. at night i get heat waves, flashing incognito, its my boo fucking me over. as not with another women but with his little games of hide and seek and sneak a peek peek a boo. and i shit all over. already im feeling today coming hungry.

i have 6 minutes. i feel stupid.

i have 9 9 9 9 9 nine minutes. here we go. i am going to play tennis. i have my tennis racket inside my back pack. also threee tennis balls. im wearing shorts later. with white shoes with a green line. right now i have on two socks with brown stripes they are old and fall by my ankles. im wearing mens pajamas. i feel ok.

this is how i feel right now

leave me alone

some people have ways to batter down the truth of reality. i for one know that i am in love with all things that taste like lavender ice cream. bollywood is also a nice place to go to when you're sick of the conventional places that life mortifyingly provides. i believe in great remixes and powder on your belly when your a little baby, and everyday you cry. smelling good isn't essential, i like the raw taste of a real meal. the flavors stick out like ammonia chlorine bleached sheets. there is an under toned regret for its arrival. so to follow up on yesterdays proposition i propose to be a boring girl. don't talk to me anymore. there's no time.

my moms quitting smoking and it makes her more demanding. i love hearing the stories.. still we're the same.
the man i love i feel should be the same as me. as we walk down the street well have the same taste, the same ears, ringing in them something un constitutional it wont stop. ill run around wearing his same old puke stained shirt. the one i spat on as i was draining down the ditch. he'll wear those same old pants with that same old smirk and all along ill never get tired. and on well go....

all I'm thinking about right now is rice pudding and the attraction it has to my soul. he has a recipe that i cant resist. I'm almost feeling great except i cant stop recalling the ditch of doom. yesterday i was falling down a mountain. without recollection I'm glad i had a board mask and boots. the ride was even more exciting. because i was just sitting. and what can be more fun. leafing around that is.
some get better with instinctual skill and others rent out books.

UPDATE UPDATE!

spains hitting me at the end of june

i just finished an entire lifetime of work, and I've washed my hands so much that i've turned into a shriveled up tomato. tomorrow ill have a ball game. i'll really hate it as i'll be squatting on the ground for nearly two hours. its annoying-- having balls popping up flying smack into my face. its serious when you miss one and someone makes it home and your shitting bricks because your entire life is dependent on your current level of excitement. i don't feel so pumped when i loose. after that I'm usually in for a harder trip because I'm forced to run on top.

anyways
yesterday i dropped a buffalo shrimp in the bottom of the oven. this was the worse mistake of my life. "don't be clumsy carla" that's what i am forced to repeat every time i get up. I'm up and running the up and coming it. today was ok, before i did all that work i was doing absolutly nothing, thank god for corn pops.

would you ever lie to me?

how long will it take until the answer is no

what a little sweet heart

close your eyes.
youre taking a shower and thinking about the only thing you think about when your alone and in heat.
i hear you.

today was a good day. for the most part i did absolutely nothing. i sat on a chair sunbathing my legs under a tent by a hole.

here i was surrounded with tons of family, and people who wanted to support ettiene's new rise to Catholicism.

i ate paeya and potato salad, bbq chicken on a stick and cake. i almost tasted everything at once, i couldve thrown up but i decide that i liked everything inside me. not only did we feed are selves and are guests but we fed the entire park, the rangers, the stoners, the men playing hackey sak, the old ladys collecting cans, the weird man with no toes, and anyone who was hungry and in need of a good meal. one lucky bum got to keep five bucks. according to baba

it is harder to recieve than give, to ask than offer and plus she believes that giving him money could only give little ettienne good luck.

i nodded the whole while, infatuated in disbelief. once three thirty rolled by we gathered in. the priest made all five hundred kids balloon animals, which delayed the service and kept em quiet.

we got a little bored and took this picture.