to pea

im writing about you because you told me to, while doing it i'm listening to biggie. the B.I.G he reminds me of you in the same way bananas do. i feel close to these things, but even so your face. i don't know how i feel about your tumblr. reading the twenty five things you've written about yourself not in particular order makes me feel uneasy. i keep internally screaming thats not you thats not you. still, however, i feel connected, even with out wrapped leather around my wrists.

missing you tremendously

carl cox

what are you doing better than me?

im under a brick called sleep

the start of the new you going both ways

i can die happy if this was playing in the background:

EISBAER

click it, i hope you clicked it.

im leaving my house this week to begin something in a new place which includes no one next to me and i can even say that i wont have a blanket. that means evertything will be NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW i dont know what words better.

rough week? think new. i do wish me and rob traded places in the sense that i got a student shared flat and he got mine but i have a window and im praying it to bring me lots of light and motivation. Moving is always nice becuase it gives other places a chance to feel like home. he once told me that ill never be comfortable anywhere enough to make it feels like home but i wont believe that. he said that our only home is the one with our parents but i wont believe that either. if youre going to be 19 and away your obliged to making your own rules, and thats reason A as to why i left. also im really greatful to xabi for giving my computer another go. everytime im happy wth it it blows up on me to the point of me convincing myself that im cursed. i will start painting now. i will never be late to work. i will use the new athletic la trainer adidas that my dad has bought me. i wont have excuses becuase i wont need them. i will be a terrace queen and drink only when i feel like one.

heres a version for before bed or durung love making:

EISBAER