include: two yogurts , juice. lots of antioxidants. -fried oil..

it was the first day of work. and work is watching five six years old in a college classroom getting them to relax getting them to think getting them to not say butt in Spanish and to listen to a few of the boring things that i know-- i know could be fun. fun for six year olds should come easy. but when your wild your wild and i am relentless.

so..
arribas seeing romes river side while biking along its endless crossroads from the length of the world that exists on teh gorund and the rest that we'll never take the risk to see. when i think of it i think that i should get up and go to the rastro on sunday mornings and theres a couple ways to dance and my kinda dance is a sway which vibes like a duck chasin g a swan in the middle of the dessert while running losely --to loose its yellow rubber feathers while scarring all the sand away.

looking like your just up for the morning holding a care free gigantic soda of what what did you cook?

today i was daring.
tempura pimiento--atun empanadaas

surprise surprise

soy milk

pasta -corn-tuna-apple vineger-crab meat-tomato-pepper

last nhight was not horrible. it was just empty. wo wo wow.
listen to me:

I ATE THESE NOODLES ALONE.

I WALKED ALL THE WAY FROM ATOTCHAS MC DONALDS. I DIDNT GO INSIDE. IT WAS CLOSED. I HAVENT FORGOTEN MY promotional anti burger chicken nugget asap never going-- salsa agridulce promise.

IT WAS COLD AND I WAS WEARING ONE LAYER AS IT STARTED TO DRIZZLE WHILE I WAS LISTENING TO MY ZUNE WITH SATERDAYS NOISE MOVING ALONG BESIDE ME. I IGNORED FEELING BAD REPLACING IT FOR FEELING READY.

I REACHED GRANVIA SEEING THE FIRST CHINA MAN ON THE STREET BEGGING IN SPANISH I WAS THERE ASKING FOR ESPAGHETTI.. NOTHING. I WALKED MORE HAVING ONE HOUR TO KILL BEFORE THE NEXT FIVE AM N22 RAN ON THE stop THAT WE'RE ALL SO USED TO. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I WAS EVER HERE ALONE. EATING NOODLES. FEELING SOMETHING, I CANT TALK ABOU T.

i thinki think..

ive been sleeping all day with mao the cat beside me. sometimes i do double takes on this ones name. i hear it being called MITVCHO. italian?

alone---> weird quietness -->>>> similar. first time. to the sevens of tons of time collapsing between the poured inches in my boxed hole.

i cant leave the house. i dont want to.

here's a chain for a chain:

to my sister who never has anything better to do:

a. real tall things are attractive in the way they provide shade for long periods of time-- the idea of being under one of these branches really gets me going.

b. i like it when races re enter their race with bi focal sunglasses. my room mates do this and unlike albertos pride for spain they placce their excitement on worldly events like zec trying to watch the final debates of the american elections. live. ok youre going to kill me. i didnt mean it like that. arriba , your blood just flows with dominant remarks"spain rules in everything even the flies even the shit -- the shit smells better here."according to me he's crazy. just making fun of you. all the times necessary.

c.if you want to call me and go out i ll like you even better. what do i hate? effort duh. i dont care what you say when it comes to moving im a snail trapped in a letter box. jk. all that im saying isnt true.

d.last night me and zec went out to get some italian pizza in the most touristic area which can be compared to madrid's own rendition of disneyland. i was taking him out ---i was taking him out.. until i realized that i had mistaken a five euro bill for a twenty euro bill.. and well tonight's a new night. los siento a mil.

e. if you want to really live spain live the language. a heard that today. after reflecting im now thinking i know ones who know language and dont know spain but know irish pubs like dubliners which pay shit to their workers: shit is three euros an hour. quit quit quit. i hate pubs. remember faculty. remember that about me. they have the gal to charge an extra thirty cents for tobaco and let me tell you thats not the only illeagal-ing going around. suck it. twenty times.

6.) today in the metro i saw two old strangers touching knees. i wanted to snap at them with my thirty five millimeter. i knew it would've been the most productive picture for a while to come. i dont lag my camera around anymore becuase i don't have the patience to deal with that and making money. for note six i'm complaining about being on my own. im complaining about not having the richest self proclamation yet to hit my face. a face. when i see people with "it" i think about how that "it" needs to be with me. useless, thoughts, just complaints, and reminders to get a moving. you you got it when youre doing what you want. with who you want,.

g. self teachers. i admire those who can read online. why cant i read online? i can read online but i only feel comfortable reading paper. outside like a gardner with its plants.

h. hey pea. you want to eat sushi with me dont you? the last time i had sushi was three months ago when dad came home from a romantic date with his wife and i refused to come so i sat in silence under my computers video streaming of the office. maybe he felt bad. when he cam ehome i got the equivalent to seven elevn sushi at its best. no thats a lie. shortly after the next month or something around that. i went to this small sushi bar reminding me of sushi zone. me and jases favorite treat. the differences: they only served maki. there wasnt you. there wasnt nothing but maki. there wasnt you. etc. etc. i did however have some good japanese beer. and good company, at last.

----essential sixteen note break.

todays theme:

two things on my mind asides from prison break:

part of this:


yes yes i held the microphone.

party heels elevated platform for a better looking you in no time.

i listened to you and gave your kinda thing a try.
who am i always talking to? everyones asking. the answer: never.

last night i ended up on a long road trip to the country side. they said listen. and then i understood that living in rural life means living in closed peace. an open bag spilling everything--quietly. as i walked in the house and bare--footedly stepped out of the car. i felt nothing close. everything was distant and i recognized myself through a glass window. the perspective changed too quickly -- im someone who lives in the past. only noticing during lazy laid away thinking moments. who knew that a thursday night at nells could do this. could play pablos mgmt kids hit all to dance gyrate generate move. and it was packed i couldn't recognize this boring Wednesday venue. it was something better. ideas ideas ideas....

so mission high is something that feels really old but shit man, mission high and seeing all those kids just like me with their new pictures and new friends new life all moving forward. realllllllly great.

COLLATERAL evidence of ones lost room: obviously i am capable of creating a live-- in masterpiece. NO questions.

>

no shame in self vanity, it seems like. i know i know. apologies all around..

ive been in this office more than all day long. for no apparent reason-- just to be somewhere in doors for internet and usage on my laptop.. wanting to go out tonight with somebody but nobodies reciprocating to the text messages that i haven't sent. im thinking it will be one of those solo nights where im off to meet strangers or to stare at everybody as they are cross socializing almost having fun. from the japanese spanish traveler to japan man link alberto sent me i got inspired to start takking more pictures as to document my days showing my readers-- if any really exist ---something visual-- as it sits better in the brain. like a little story of all the nothings ive been doing. today i made two maps of two possible shit irish pubs i could maybe work in. today while eating early dinner consisting of tuna and corn at six while chewing i met a man who asked me to take a picture of him with his phone in front of the very grand plaza espana fountain.i did and then after he talked to me in spanish and maybe he has a friend i can baby sit for. with these kinda things you never know if the person is real or fake. usually i can tell through the thick line but when its fine it leaves nothing to decipher.

been missing too much open spaces lately, but one to remember is this night which got me sick with a sickness that will most likely last forever:




illness for things that make me feel good about myself. this includes places like picnic, cafe's with a great window opener, cats: a new friendly animal, cleaning the house, and company. maybe i cant make decisions perfectly but im good at knowing what i want. in the meantime. i know what i want and the letters it begins with and teh way it looks. the way it looks becuas e iv e been picturing for a long while. . . its big and bold and yelling GET OVER HERE. GET ON IT. GOG O GO. you know things with hurry and speed to move me faster. without it ill be in my shell all day evaporating like a smokless joint. or even worSE a smokeless cigarette that does nothing. i like it when i go out and here people saying "i dont want this anymore" it makes me think, hey me too. .. then suddenly i flash out of that thought and im still in the office. what am i thinking. i should get out of here. im just waiting for this great video to load. found what to do: meeting daniel and mia for drinks in their house and then maybe ill take them somewhere cool. have you heard of HOLYSHIT? if not look up the song rough and tumble on hypem, its so good for right now. esp if you are feeling tight and secure. it loosens you up in a good way. so you wont complain. .

iwish i didnt have to go to MEXICAN SEXY NIGHT at nells this Wednesday. jobs like this SUCK.

its getting reallly lonely here in madrid.




anyone anyone anyone..

stop making excuses

we are all bi polar it means we have energy use it wisely


YESSA
thats what arlo told me today

watch this if you want to cream

"this is what i call a no-where-thinking"

remember when we went to that fair in la latina and came back a couple times later and sat in that posh bar with the american girl who was too drunk to smoke a cigarette -ate it backwards and couldnt get hit on. usually when i have a thousand things to do i minimize it to one, focusing on memories such as the ones that speak through a silent luster of chill. always cold because my boxes havent been sent--> to the house that i dont have---> through the mom that i do have and still where the fuck can i live?

i can live anywhere but i want to live with you.
noticed a final thing about cooking the more you watch the more you grow the more you feel better about whta your eating while your creating and its a beautiful hobby ive got to learn spanish bettter. he tells me to learn spanish better and i agree. fully:


i have another post card ready for you:
you dont have to read this this is just for me:



you were talking about giving explanations to people

what people
generally
people who ask me questions
this includes starngers
to fmily
to friends
im being wholly general
just the questions u get
you know the normal questions
that run on top of eachother
like when you fall on your face
and get a black eye
and everyone’s like
what happened what happened
and you have to give the same old explanation 96 times
for nothing
but general curiosity
im not saying im a victim
im just the same
i would ask too
maybe not asking would be impolite
you know
its just something i think about


hey hey hey...

this is what i call a no-where-thinking

i have many of them each day

its normal
its annoyong to me
so much that i feel bi polar
it really makes me feel bi polar no kidding.
i mean one second i want to live in spain and i love it and the next i want to go home

me too...

and yes, as weird as it seems these questions
these question have a lot to do with it
because it gets me to the use less thinking and then i just dont know
and then you know im home all day dresed and ready
but i dont leave the house
because i dont know i just cant
go
i sit here for whiles upon whiles thinking about things that overall dont affect me