trampled on by another heat wave.

just finished watching the kite runner. maybe what i need is prayer. or something else, something that is far away, things that i don't see and have now. like a big yellow big large yellow the color yellow splashing all over me like I'm heating up in a microwave like I'm ready to be. yellow. my dad use to always do this thing, when he called me on the phone and he'd be far away. i had to imagine yellow when my eyes closed as i was almost laying asleep. before bed i would pray some hail marys and are fathers and another two which i don't know the names of. and sometimes i would ask god for good dreams. i would collide my prayers with the color yellow. and now when it goes on, I'm just scared. it probably is normal, its probably a sign of myself realizing the value in containing an empty tupper ware of air. and putting it in the fridge. and eating it tomorrow for dinner. when i think about my move to spain my leg cramps. or sometimes i feel really giddy like I'm ridding on a saddled horse minus the allergies. i can cry for everyone I'm leaving. not because they'll do the same or feel the emptiness in space, but because it underlines this awareness of time. the moving of the motion. its selfish, I'm selfish.